Tuesday, August 19, 2014

Tiki Oasis 2014 -Episode 2 : To Hell and Back Again

Usually when you hear someone say they are “Going to Hell” it is generally a bad thing.      At Tiki Oasis… Hell isn’t exactly as bad as it sounds.  Sure it is hot , but the music and the drinks are great.   Who knew going to Hell could be so damn fun.  Hell has an evil Beatnik Demon Baby, and bartenders with horns and laser lights.  Here are a few evil pictures from our journey into Tiki Hell.

Welcome to Hell

Demonic Dancing

Ron Jeremy offering up a contract for your soul

The Rum of choice in Hell.

 Here was a cool Party promo that Tiki Hell put together this year before all the fun started

Monday, August 18, 2014

Tiki Oasis 2014 Episode 1 : Attack of the Clone

Every year I write about how I always feel like no matter how much fun I have at Tiki Oasis –that I missed out on something. I talked about how I needed to Clone myself so that I could be everywhere at once. Then my clones could come back at the end of the trip and I could download their memories and basically turn my 3 days at Tiki Oasis into a week and a half of fun and great memories. Tiki Oasis always goes by way too quickly. You spend months anticipating it and get Tiki on the brain the week before it happens---then like a Rum dream it is over. So my Clone idea seemed like the best solution. 5 Clones should cover it… But Cloning is not a cheap endeavor. I saved up enough money and bribed the right folks. I created 1 Clone a few months before Tiki Oasis and unfortunately he escaped the lab –before all the programming could be completed.

Well I really miscalculated with this concept. The theory was that my Clone would go and see the room crawls and parties that I wasn’t in and I could download his memories at the end of the weekend. Well, since the programming never took place and he escaped into the world to live on his own my plan could never be set in motion. I had all but forgotten about my Clone until he showed up standing right next to me in the Swank Bastards room. Wearing the same clothes as me and holding the same drink cup as me. My Clone had aged, but was in better shape than me (maybe it he has a quicker metabolism along with the rapid aging). He was even wearing the same kind of shoes (although they were a different color). I wanted to ask him what he had been up to since he had escaped the lab. How he had ended up at Tiki Oasis? (since he had escaped so soon after being Cloned) But the loud pounding sounds of Thee Swank Bastards drowned out any attempts at a conversation. Someone took a picture of us and then I turned for a second and he was gone……Was it just some Rum induced dream? It couldn’t be… I had photographic evidence of the encounter.

Lessons learned from my Cloning experiment:

 1.      Make sure to use a Cloning lab with plenty of security so your Clone doesn’t escape without the         proper programming.

 2. A Clone without programming will still have the same great taste in clothing and drink ware….Clearly this Clone has good taste….Apparently great minds think as one.

3. The plan to have my Clones visit places I didn’t go would really backfired…. My Clones good taste also included his taste in music otherwise he wouldn’t have ended up in the exact same room party as me at the exact same time.

 4. A Clone should be implanted with a tracking device……I may never see my Clone again and I will just wonder like every other year ------what experiences he may have had and think again about all the stuff I missed out on.

Up next:  Tiki Oasis 2014: An Unexpected journey to Hell and Back Again

 Followed by : Tiki Oasis 2014: Wraith of the Rum or Revenge of the Fireball

Thursday, August 14, 2014

"Release the Kracken" Tiki Oasis Poem

"Release the Kracken"
It is late at night and at your request
A Burlesque girl is flashing her breasts
While a guy dressed like a gorilla is pounding on his chest
This is the time when Tiki Oasis is at its best
The surf band is playing
No one knows what is going to happen
Then someone yells out
"Release the Kracken"
The Rum drinks are flowing
There is a Mermaid in the pool
Breathing Fire next to some drunken fool
The whole place is shaking
This party is definitely not lackin
A crowd of people screams out
"Release the Kracken"
There is a Guy dressed like Captain Morgan
Posing like a good Captain should
His Coconut Rum is the best
I mean it is really, really good
But when you really want the party to get Crackalackin
You need to yell out
"Release the Kracken"
And Release it they did
It came out of the pool
Grabbing the mermaid in its tentacles
Setting fire to the drunken fool
It climbed up the side of every pool view room
Sending People jumping off balconies to their doom.
Rampaging its way all over the hotel
Sending drunken guests running out of Tiki Hell
It grabbed up every single Burlesque girl
Shaking them around in a big whirl
As It crawled up the elevator faster and faster
Making its way towards Thee Swank Bastards
So beware and take heed!
When drinking your rum
I know everybody wants to have a little fun
So late at night when Bears roam the halls
And you start to hear Fireball induced strange and Frightening calls
You may want to lock your doors
Before you “Release the Kracken”
Because believe it or not it may actually happen
BAC 8/11/14 AKA “The Pineappleman”

Wednesday, August 13, 2014

Monday, August 11, 2014

Tiki Oasis Countdown: Days away : Here are Rules to buying a Tiki Necklace at Tiki Oasis

Rules to buying a Tiki Necklace at Tiki Oasis:
Rule number 1:   Make sure that Tiki Necklace is not cursed.   Seriously a cursed Tiki necklace no matter how cool it looks is not worth all the giant spiders or near death surfing crashes. 
The following video will demonstrate the dangers of buying a cursed necklace.

Rule Number 2: Once you have determined that the Tiki necklace you are buying is not cursed 
(I can’t stress that enough)   Select something that represents you.   Find a tiki necklace that demonstrates your true inner tiki.
Rule Number 3: Sprinkle a vile of special volcanic ash collected from the highest peaks in Hawaii over the necklace.  This will make sure to rinse away any possible residuals of a curse. This rule is in case you didn’t do your homework and bought a cursed Tiki by mistake.
Rule Number 4: Try and not get it wet,  or expose it to any loud surf  or exotica music and definitely avoid people dancing around in Hawaiian shirts while holding rum drinks-----that would be very bad and would probably bring out a curse if one was hidden inside the Tiki necklace.

Sunday, August 10, 2014

Thursday, August 7, 2014